May already?!

Who knew this much time had passed since the last time I blogged? SO much has been going on, so here's the spill. I quit my job (yes, the one I was so excited to get) but I did it for a good reason! As most probably don't know, although I was enrolled in college, I never really went. Therefore, I quit my job and am going back to school full-time this year! The plan is to go for physical education, because that just seems to be more...me. So finger's crossed everyone and I'll do my best to keep you updated. Now on to what you really care about, my sweet baby Cash! Who actually, is no longer a baby :( He's seriously growing up so fast! He's now 9 months old, crawling around the entire house, getting into everything, and standing up with whatever furniture he can get a grip on. He's already got this little attitude and has decided he's mister independent, but never fails to amaze me day in and day out. I love watching him figure new things out and try to do things like stand and talk. He's so smart too, he knows how to give kisses, can tell you bye-bye and he'll say mama & dada, but on his own time, not when you want him too. Yesterday his new cousin Lainey Grace Starling made her entrance into the world & it brought back an array of good and bad memories. She's beautiful though and Cash was so amazed by her, he just stared through the nursery window looking at her, making noises as if he was talking to her, and beating on the window to get her attention. It just blows my mind some of the things he does. I know soon I'm gonna have my hands full, but for now I'll just enjoy whatever I have left of him being a baby (: I'll stop rambling and just show you what we've been up to since December. 

 Big boy can now finger pinch feed himself! 

 his first easter basket & first easter egg hunt

 Uncle Stu made some balloon animals! 

And finally yesterday at the hospital checking out baby Laney. 

nothing left to say...

I wish I had something exciting to blog about, but sadly...I don't. All we've done lately is worked like dogs and spent all that money on Christmas presents. Unfortunately, we're still not done shopping so everythings getting pretty last minute, but oh well. On top of all this, Cash has started eating baby food..it's been an adventure itself. Other than that I can't think of anything else that's gone on. I'll just leave you with a few pictures since my blogs so slack! Enjoy (:

old and boring already?

I seriously feel like I have no free time these days! I've been working like crazy. So now that I have a few minutes to myself, let me take the time to fill everyone in on what's been going on. Ca$h had his 4 month check-up this past Monday, and he was such a big boy. Speaking of big boy, he's finally caught up to and passed all the other baby boys his age (: He now weighs 14 lbs 4 oz and is 25 1/2 in long!! He got 2 shots and hardly cried, I was such a proud little mommy! A lot of new and exciting things are beginning for him! He gets to start cereal/baby food, as well as juice next month! We're so excited for his first Christmas coming up and his first trip to lights at the zoo, which of course we'll be attending since Tyler & I have gone both my freshman, junior, and senior year together! Cash is getting a little fussy, so I'm gonna have to cut this shot. Let me just finish with some advice for any female that reads my blog, do not and I repeat do not move in with a man unless there is a ring on your finger. Take it from someone with experience, things begin to get complicated when you move in together too soon. Granted, Tyler and I have a reason for moving in together, but if it wasn't for Cash this would be the worst idea ever. I love Tyler and I'm happy with him, but honestly us living together just makes him treat me like we're married, and we're not. That's what bugs me the most. It's just really complicated, I don't like being an old married couple, before we're even married.....

find something to be thankful for...

I forgot to mention in my blog yesterday that Cash turned four months old (: today was his first Thanksgiving and he spent the majority of it sleeping....of course! My family didn't cook so we spent all day with Tyler's family, which was good. I'm incredibly thankful for them and the fact they consider me family even though I'm not. As well as my family who loves and thinks of Ty in the same way! I'm also thankful for a sweet, healthy, happy, beautiful baby boy who holds my whole heart in his tiny little hands. He's definitely the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm so glad he's here. Plus, I'm thankful for a boyfriend who's been by my side through all the hard times, the fights, bad moods, struggles, and of course the good things too. He's absolutely seen me at my worst and stayed anyway, I'm so blessed to have them in my life. On the way home we house hunted and now we're watching a movie until black Friday shopping! I have so much more I'd like to blog about, unfortunately I can't, so we'll leave it on this note...I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving and I hope everyone realized they were thankful for at least one thing in this crazy, complicated world!

not in the mood tonight....

I don't know if anyone frequently checks my blog and actually takes their time to read about my life, but if anyone does I'm so sorry I've taken this long to update! Now all my thoughts will probably be jumbled, and I may leave stuff out, but it's definitely time to blog. Not only for the few that may read what I write, but for myself as well. Honestly, I write for myself and also to hopefully touch someone with at least something I may say. Let me just start by explaining what I mean by writing for myself. Ever since I had Cash, I've quickly discovered my true friends, and trust me...there aren't very many of them. The only person I still text text and see on a regular basis would be Burr. She's no doubt been my best friend from day one and I honestly believe she'll continue to be my best friend until the end of time, regardless of the rough times we may have in between. At the same time, I hate just throwing all my problems at her, because some things she just doesn't understand and admits she can't understand because she's never been in my shoes. She listens still though, even if she can't relate to me at all, she listens and tries her best to make things better, but at the same time, it's hard getting all my feelings out when no one understands. It actually get pretty frustrating having to bottle everything up inside just because you have no one to turn to. So I write (even though I can't always say exactly what I want because I never know who exactly is reading), and if this is where you want to completely tune me out because you could careless about my "problems" I completely understand, because I promise to get into something other than me! Let me start by explaining that I'm completely aware of the fact I need a job, but at the same time I absolutely hate everyone else getting to spend more time with Cash than I do. I've worked for six days in a row and the only time I've gotten to spend with Cash, has been at night when it's time for him to go to sleep and honestly it's somewhat depressing me. I'd do anything to just be a stay at home mom and spend all my time with him, but it's just impossible at this point. I'm struggling with it and need to find some way to stay positive and be okay with it. With that being said, I know I shouldn't be making it this big of a deal, but that's the kind of person I am. I'm seriously not trying to be selfish, and if that's what you take from this, I completely understand because honestly I sometimes feel selfish because of it. Which leads me to my next struggle. I'm constantly questioning why Tyler doesn't want to marry me or why he doesn't at least want to propose to me, or anything along those lines. I honestly don't understand it and don't think I ever will. I feel like the longer it takes, the less excited I become or the less meaningful it seems to be....I know selfish. But seriously girls/ladies, you can't honestly say you wouldn't feel the exact same way. Like I said, it's something I'm probably making a huge deal out of for no reason, but it's how I feel and honestly I can't change it no matter how hard I try. I honestly do not want to feel this way, but I do. Enough about me and all my petty problems, I want to take the time to inform everyone about my amazing new friend Brianna and her sweet baby Sawyer.  I emphasize the new because she's not exactly new to me, I've known her for a few years now, but take my word when I say the Brianna I knew and the Brianna I know now are completely different people. She's such an amazing young mother despite the struggles she's been faced with thus far. She's one of the strongest women I've ever met and I have no idea how she stays so strong and positive through everything. I'm so proud of the person she's become and I'm so excited to see how she, her husband, and baby Sawyer change the world, or at least impact people's lives around them. Sweet Sawyer may be blind, but he has more personality and a bigger heart than anyone I've ever met and I hope nothing but the best for them and their family. Also, those of you who read this, she's one of my followers & everyone needs to donate to their fund for Sawyer!! I have so much more to blog about, but I feel like this has been enough for one post, plus Tyler's tired & it's my night with Cash! Everyone keep reading, the next post will be more exciting....promise (:

a little taste of our weekend.

I don't have anything inspiring to start with, so I'll just...start. This weekend was well, an adventure. Ty and I have been trying to stay home more so that we can save money to get all of our Christmas shopping done, but this weekend we did anything but stay home. Saturday we went to the Carolina game, where three of the most annoying boys sat beside us. However, these little boys did not belong in these seats at all considering there were three boys and only two seats. It wouldn't have been so bad if they weren't constantly getting up and leaving and then coming back, stepping on my jacket each time they did so. It was seriously so frustrating, so Tyler started taking up the entire seat until they finally left. Sunday we went to the State House and took family pictures with Tyler's family. That was an adventure in itself, but thank goodness Cash somewhat cooperated. 

He didn't fuss the entire time, but he did keep his hand in his mouth the entire time making it almost impossible to get a good one of him. We did get at least one that I'm satisfied with so we'll be able to send out our first Christmas card as a family! On an opposite note, I'm completely failing school, which I'm not happy about at all. Thank goodness I'm transferring next semester though and none of my credits will transfer with me considering I've already placed out of the classes I'm taking now. Which is good news! Other good news, I got a job! It's nothing serious, and nothing fancy but it's a job. I'm excited to start, because honestly we need the money. I want to move out, into a house or an apartment at least with more space. I want Cash to have his own room and we need more storage space, so maybe me having a job will help us put money back to finally move. Well, I think that's it for now, so keep reading and maybe things will get more excited with Thanksgiving, Cash's 4 months visit, and Christmas quickly approaching! 

having a baby changes everything.

Have you ever seen those commercials, the Johnson&Johnson one's, they show the baby laughing and playing and end with the quote "having a baby changes everything"? They're not exaggerating, having a baby really does change everything. Last night my best friends from high school, and probably the best friends I've ever had in my life, went bar hopping in Charlotte. Yes, they asked me to go...I wasn't left out just because I have a baby, but for some reason I excluded myself....and I'm still not sure why. It could be because all through high school I was that person judging teenage mothers, not the good one's that took responsibility for their baby because trust me I know some fantastic teenager mothers, but it was the one's that seemed like they were always going out with their friends or doing things for themselves, like they never even had their baby with them. I know it wasn't my business, but you can't say that you haven't judged those girls too, at least once. Having a baby and being a teenage mother though makes you realize something, everyone needs a break every now and then. I can't say that sometimes I don't want just one night of uninterrupted sleep, or that just one night I want to go out and be with my friends just like high school, but to me...it's not worth it, not yet. When I'm not with Cash, I constantly feel like I'm missing something. I don't like being away from him; however, that may change once he's older and I have to chase him around constantly, haha, but honestly they grow up too fast and I don't want to miss a single second with him. I'm not saying Tyler and I don't take a break every now and then. 
We have a fantastic support system 
and Cash has way too many family members that love and fight over him constantly, which has been a big help thus far.We always have babysitters when we need them, and we use them on occasion. Let's get back to the bar thing though. I'm not saying one day I won't go out and take a break, I'm just saying I don't know if I'm ready yet, not to mention last night was mine and Ty's 20 months and I honestly just wanted to spend time with him. Yeah we live together and I see him every night, but once you have a baby you understand there's no such thing as just spending time together. We've quickly become an old married couple without even being married. I'm not even exaggerating, with this time change Cash has been going to bed an hour earlier, which means Tyler and I are in bed by 9:30.....no joke. I'm telling you, having a baby changes everything. I'm not sure if my friends quite understand that though. I don't think they understand how exhausting this actually is. 

 Honestly though, you can't understand it until you actually experience it. They're great though, through all this people have shown their true colors. I've lost a lot of friends, as well as gained some. I'm not saying I had a lot of friends in high school because I didn't....honestly, I hate girls, therefore the few girl friends I have mean a whole lot to me. The last few months though have been different. In high school I spent every weekend with the same group of people doing dumb stuff and having way too much fun, and half those people I don't even hear from anymore. It's sad knowing people  stop talking to you just because you can't provide them with a party house, or go out and act like a teenager every night, but it's life. It's really helped me to see who's real and who's not. I still get occasional text messages from everyone, or facebook comments, but it's nothing like the way it used to be. I'm fine with that though, I've come to the conclusion that I'm just at a different point in my life than all my friends, but I'm happy with my place in life. 

I still love my girls and miss spending time with them, but I love Cash and I love being home all the time to be his mommy. I don't wish things were different, and I don't wish I was at CofC partying, which is where I would've been had we not been so blessed to have Cash. I'm glad things worked out the way they did, and hearing that sweet baby laugh and seeing his crooked smile makes me 100% certain I wouldn't change a thing. He's absolutely perfect and I love being his mommy, even if it means losing a few friends along the way. Sorry this blog's not as interesting as the last one, just needed to get my thoughts/feelings down. Maybe next time I blog I'll have more exciting stories for you considering we have a busy weekend ahead of us!