May already?!

Who knew this much time had passed since the last time I blogged? SO much has been going on, so here's the spill. I quit my job (yes, the one I was so excited to get) but I did it for a good reason! As most probably don't know, although I was enrolled in college, I never really went. Therefore, I quit my job and am going back to school full-time this year! The plan is to go for physical education, because that just seems to be more...me. So finger's crossed everyone and I'll do my best to keep you updated. Now on to what you really care about, my sweet baby Cash! Who actually, is no longer a baby :( He's seriously growing up so fast! He's now 9 months old, crawling around the entire house, getting into everything, and standing up with whatever furniture he can get a grip on. He's already got this little attitude and has decided he's mister independent, but never fails to amaze me day in and day out. I love watching him figure new things out and try to do things like stand and talk. He's so smart too, he knows how to give kisses, can tell you bye-bye and he'll say mama & dada, but on his own time, not when you want him too. Yesterday his new cousin Lainey Grace Starling made her entrance into the world & it brought back an array of good and bad memories. She's beautiful though and Cash was so amazed by her, he just stared through the nursery window looking at her, making noises as if he was talking to her, and beating on the window to get her attention. It just blows my mind some of the things he does. I know soon I'm gonna have my hands full, but for now I'll just enjoy whatever I have left of him being a baby (: I'll stop rambling and just show you what we've been up to since December. 

 Big boy can now finger pinch feed himself! 

 his first easter basket & first easter egg hunt

 Uncle Stu made some balloon animals! 

And finally yesterday at the hospital checking out baby Laney. 

nothing left to say...

I wish I had something exciting to blog about, but sadly...I don't. All we've done lately is worked like dogs and spent all that money on Christmas presents. Unfortunately, we're still not done shopping so everythings getting pretty last minute, but oh well. On top of all this, Cash has started eating baby food..it's been an adventure itself. Other than that I can't think of anything else that's gone on. I'll just leave you with a few pictures since my blogs so slack! Enjoy (:

old and boring already?

I seriously feel like I have no free time these days! I've been working like crazy. So now that I have a few minutes to myself, let me take the time to fill everyone in on what's been going on. Ca$h had his 4 month check-up this past Monday, and he was such a big boy. Speaking of big boy, he's finally caught up to and passed all the other baby boys his age (: He now weighs 14 lbs 4 oz and is 25 1/2 in long!! He got 2 shots and hardly cried, I was such a proud little mommy! A lot of new and exciting things are beginning for him! He gets to start cereal/baby food, as well as juice next month! We're so excited for his first Christmas coming up and his first trip to lights at the zoo, which of course we'll be attending since Tyler & I have gone both my freshman, junior, and senior year together! Cash is getting a little fussy, so I'm gonna have to cut this shot. Let me just finish with some advice for any female that reads my blog, do not and I repeat do not move in with a man unless there is a ring on your finger. Take it from someone with experience, things begin to get complicated when you move in together too soon. Granted, Tyler and I have a reason for moving in together, but if it wasn't for Cash this would be the worst idea ever. I love Tyler and I'm happy with him, but honestly us living together just makes him treat me like we're married, and we're not. That's what bugs me the most. It's just really complicated, I don't like being an old married couple, before we're even married.....

find something to be thankful for...

I forgot to mention in my blog yesterday that Cash turned four months old (: today was his first Thanksgiving and he spent the majority of it sleeping....of course! My family didn't cook so we spent all day with Tyler's family, which was good. I'm incredibly thankful for them and the fact they consider me family even though I'm not. As well as my family who loves and thinks of Ty in the same way! I'm also thankful for a sweet, healthy, happy, beautiful baby boy who holds my whole heart in his tiny little hands. He's definitely the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm so glad he's here. Plus, I'm thankful for a boyfriend who's been by my side through all the hard times, the fights, bad moods, struggles, and of course the good things too. He's absolutely seen me at my worst and stayed anyway, I'm so blessed to have them in my life. On the way home we house hunted and now we're watching a movie until black Friday shopping! I have so much more I'd like to blog about, unfortunately I can't, so we'll leave it on this note...I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving and I hope everyone realized they were thankful for at least one thing in this crazy, complicated world!

not in the mood tonight....

I don't know if anyone frequently checks my blog and actually takes their time to read about my life, but if anyone does I'm so sorry I've taken this long to update! Now all my thoughts will probably be jumbled, and I may leave stuff out, but it's definitely time to blog. Not only for the few that may read what I write, but for myself as well. Honestly, I write for myself and also to hopefully touch someone with at least something I may say. Let me just start by explaining what I mean by writing for myself. Ever since I had Cash, I've quickly discovered my true friends, and trust me...there aren't very many of them. The only person I still text text and see on a regular basis would be Burr. She's no doubt been my best friend from day one and I honestly believe she'll continue to be my best friend until the end of time, regardless of the rough times we may have in between. At the same time, I hate just throwing all my problems at her, because some things she just doesn't understand and admits she can't understand because she's never been in my shoes. She listens still though, even if she can't relate to me at all, she listens and tries her best to make things better, but at the same time, it's hard getting all my feelings out when no one understands. It actually get pretty frustrating having to bottle everything up inside just because you have no one to turn to. So I write (even though I can't always say exactly what I want because I never know who exactly is reading), and if this is where you want to completely tune me out because you could careless about my "problems" I completely understand, because I promise to get into something other than me! Let me start by explaining that I'm completely aware of the fact I need a job, but at the same time I absolutely hate everyone else getting to spend more time with Cash than I do. I've worked for six days in a row and the only time I've gotten to spend with Cash, has been at night when it's time for him to go to sleep and honestly it's somewhat depressing me. I'd do anything to just be a stay at home mom and spend all my time with him, but it's just impossible at this point. I'm struggling with it and need to find some way to stay positive and be okay with it. With that being said, I know I shouldn't be making it this big of a deal, but that's the kind of person I am. I'm seriously not trying to be selfish, and if that's what you take from this, I completely understand because honestly I sometimes feel selfish because of it. Which leads me to my next struggle. I'm constantly questioning why Tyler doesn't want to marry me or why he doesn't at least want to propose to me, or anything along those lines. I honestly don't understand it and don't think I ever will. I feel like the longer it takes, the less excited I become or the less meaningful it seems to be....I know selfish. But seriously girls/ladies, you can't honestly say you wouldn't feel the exact same way. Like I said, it's something I'm probably making a huge deal out of for no reason, but it's how I feel and honestly I can't change it no matter how hard I try. I honestly do not want to feel this way, but I do. Enough about me and all my petty problems, I want to take the time to inform everyone about my amazing new friend Brianna and her sweet baby Sawyer.  I emphasize the new because she's not exactly new to me, I've known her for a few years now, but take my word when I say the Brianna I knew and the Brianna I know now are completely different people. She's such an amazing young mother despite the struggles she's been faced with thus far. She's one of the strongest women I've ever met and I have no idea how she stays so strong and positive through everything. I'm so proud of the person she's become and I'm so excited to see how she, her husband, and baby Sawyer change the world, or at least impact people's lives around them. Sweet Sawyer may be blind, but he has more personality and a bigger heart than anyone I've ever met and I hope nothing but the best for them and their family. Also, those of you who read this, she's one of my followers & everyone needs to donate to their fund for Sawyer!! I have so much more to blog about, but I feel like this has been enough for one post, plus Tyler's tired & it's my night with Cash! Everyone keep reading, the next post will be more exciting....promise (:

a little taste of our weekend.

I don't have anything inspiring to start with, so I'll just...start. This weekend was well, an adventure. Ty and I have been trying to stay home more so that we can save money to get all of our Christmas shopping done, but this weekend we did anything but stay home. Saturday we went to the Carolina game, where three of the most annoying boys sat beside us. However, these little boys did not belong in these seats at all considering there were three boys and only two seats. It wouldn't have been so bad if they weren't constantly getting up and leaving and then coming back, stepping on my jacket each time they did so. It was seriously so frustrating, so Tyler started taking up the entire seat until they finally left. Sunday we went to the State House and took family pictures with Tyler's family. That was an adventure in itself, but thank goodness Cash somewhat cooperated. 

He didn't fuss the entire time, but he did keep his hand in his mouth the entire time making it almost impossible to get a good one of him. We did get at least one that I'm satisfied with so we'll be able to send out our first Christmas card as a family! On an opposite note, I'm completely failing school, which I'm not happy about at all. Thank goodness I'm transferring next semester though and none of my credits will transfer with me considering I've already placed out of the classes I'm taking now. Which is good news! Other good news, I got a job! It's nothing serious, and nothing fancy but it's a job. I'm excited to start, because honestly we need the money. I want to move out, into a house or an apartment at least with more space. I want Cash to have his own room and we need more storage space, so maybe me having a job will help us put money back to finally move. Well, I think that's it for now, so keep reading and maybe things will get more excited with Thanksgiving, Cash's 4 months visit, and Christmas quickly approaching! 

having a baby changes everything.

Have you ever seen those commercials, the Johnson&Johnson one's, they show the baby laughing and playing and end with the quote "having a baby changes everything"? They're not exaggerating, having a baby really does change everything. Last night my best friends from high school, and probably the best friends I've ever had in my life, went bar hopping in Charlotte. Yes, they asked me to go...I wasn't left out just because I have a baby, but for some reason I excluded myself....and I'm still not sure why. It could be because all through high school I was that person judging teenage mothers, not the good one's that took responsibility for their baby because trust me I know some fantastic teenager mothers, but it was the one's that seemed like they were always going out with their friends or doing things for themselves, like they never even had their baby with them. I know it wasn't my business, but you can't say that you haven't judged those girls too, at least once. Having a baby and being a teenage mother though makes you realize something, everyone needs a break every now and then. I can't say that sometimes I don't want just one night of uninterrupted sleep, or that just one night I want to go out and be with my friends just like high school, but to me...it's not worth it, not yet. When I'm not with Cash, I constantly feel like I'm missing something. I don't like being away from him; however, that may change once he's older and I have to chase him around constantly, haha, but honestly they grow up too fast and I don't want to miss a single second with him. I'm not saying Tyler and I don't take a break every now and then. 
We have a fantastic support system 
and Cash has way too many family members that love and fight over him constantly, which has been a big help thus far.We always have babysitters when we need them, and we use them on occasion. Let's get back to the bar thing though. I'm not saying one day I won't go out and take a break, I'm just saying I don't know if I'm ready yet, not to mention last night was mine and Ty's 20 months and I honestly just wanted to spend time with him. Yeah we live together and I see him every night, but once you have a baby you understand there's no such thing as just spending time together. We've quickly become an old married couple without even being married. I'm not even exaggerating, with this time change Cash has been going to bed an hour earlier, which means Tyler and I are in bed by 9:30.....no joke. I'm telling you, having a baby changes everything. I'm not sure if my friends quite understand that though. I don't think they understand how exhausting this actually is. 

 Honestly though, you can't understand it until you actually experience it. They're great though, through all this people have shown their true colors. I've lost a lot of friends, as well as gained some. I'm not saying I had a lot of friends in high school because I didn't....honestly, I hate girls, therefore the few girl friends I have mean a whole lot to me. The last few months though have been different. In high school I spent every weekend with the same group of people doing dumb stuff and having way too much fun, and half those people I don't even hear from anymore. It's sad knowing people  stop talking to you just because you can't provide them with a party house, or go out and act like a teenager every night, but it's life. It's really helped me to see who's real and who's not. I still get occasional text messages from everyone, or facebook comments, but it's nothing like the way it used to be. I'm fine with that though, I've come to the conclusion that I'm just at a different point in my life than all my friends, but I'm happy with my place in life. 

I still love my girls and miss spending time with them, but I love Cash and I love being home all the time to be his mommy. I don't wish things were different, and I don't wish I was at CofC partying, which is where I would've been had we not been so blessed to have Cash. I'm glad things worked out the way they did, and hearing that sweet baby laugh and seeing his crooked smile makes me 100% certain I wouldn't change a thing. He's absolutely perfect and I love being his mommy, even if it means losing a few friends along the way. Sorry this blog's not as interesting as the last one, just needed to get my thoughts/feelings down. Maybe next time I blog I'll have more exciting stories for you considering we have a busy weekend ahead of us! 

money can't buy happiness, but Cash can...

It's been a few months, so I'm sorry if I rant a little and my thoughts are unorganized, but a lot's happened in the last few months! Let's start with July, shall we? All I can really recall that far back was around the second week of July. It all started with a simple 34 week pregnancy check-up. There we discovered I had high blood pressure, I mean ridiculously high, like in the 200s! So I went to the hospital for a stress test which showed everything was just fine with our sweet baby boy, but i was getting sick really sick. They put me on bed rest & made an appointment for me to return Monday for another stress test; however, I barely made it to early Sunday morning before I was sick and had even higher blood pressure. From there I spent a whole 9 days in the hospital holding off to at least my 35th week before being sent to Palmetto Richland where they broke my water & kick started labor! Due to me being so sick, my platelet count was extremely low....that meant no epidural. We won't get into all the dirty details, but at 2:08 pm on July 23 (after Ty got a little sick in the delivery room), we welcomed our beautiful 5lb 9 oz 17.5 inch long baby boy into the world, 
Landon "Cash" Starling . 

Being 5 weeks early, he was immediately rushed to their fantastic NICU where he stayed for 9 days before finally coming home with us at the very beginning of August. Needless to say it was a rough, exhausting, stressful month but I couldn't be more thankful for all the nurses that took such good care of our baby boy & kept us as positive as possible through the whole experience. Since then both Tyler and i have started school, and let me just say Midlands Tech is no joke. Don't ever say anything bad about those attending a tech school, because it's seriously ridiculous how
much work I have to do there. My sweet

boyfriend; however, is attending Central, while also working. I don't know how he finds the time to get everything done ans still be such a fantastic boyfriend and father. I don't think he understands how much I appreciate him and everything he does, but let me tell you now, I couldn't do any of this without him. He's my best friend, the love of my life, and the best father in the world. I've never been able to depend on anyone the way I do him and I can't imagine life without him in it. He's the strongest person I know, and if Cash turns out to be half the man his daddy is, I'll be the luckiest girl in the world. Tyler and I may not have the perfect relationship, but we've come a very long way. Tomorrow we'll have been together20 months,and I couldn't be more thankful for everything he does for me. We started as freshman in high school, and look where we've wound up. We now have a beautiful baby boy as well as the cutest puppy ever, Riley.Speaking of Riley, we got her from the flea market in September, I believe. We paid $150 dollars for her, took her back to get her shots a few weeks later and she got really really sick. Her blood wouldn't clot, and then she got the brilliant idea of eating rat poison. We didn't think our sweet little puppy would make it, they gave her 2 blood transfusions, flushed her system and sent her home on an antibiotic and vitamin K, and i'll be derned if that little dog didn't completely turn around. It was seriously a miracle, and we thank God for keeping her in our lives. (:  

Now don't get me wrong, I love my life, and am so satisfied with the way things are going, but it's by no means easy. It's not always fun and excitement. It gets hard. Cash fights sleep and wakes up at random hours of the night fussing, Riley chews on the wallpaper, and Tyler and I fight like any other couple. However, it's the first that make everything worth it. Cash's first real laugh, his first Halloween, and soon to be his first Thanksgiving and Christmas. Speaking of his first Halloween we took him to the pumpkin patch for a Hayride, which of course he didn't care about at all. He snuggled up and slept the whole time, but it was a good experience. His first Halloween was spent at GiGi's with Ty's side of the family, eating dinner and enjoying family time. He was supposed to be a monkey, but it was too big so he wound up being a skeleton, he was the cutest dern skeleton in the world though! 

Watching him grow has been a blessing,even when times are tough, he continues to grow and make me happy. I don't know what life will bring us in the future, but I'm excited to find out. All I can ask is that Cash continues to grow into a happy, healthy boy...well that, and that Riley doesn't eat anymore rat poison causing another $500 vet bill! Keep reading, there's no telling what kind of adventures you'll miss out on if you don't (:
I hope this makes you feel like part of our family, and maybe it will inspire, touch, or at least entertain someone, because that's my goal. We may have had a baby at a young age, but I love being a mommy, and Tyler loves being a daddy. Tyler always says he's glad it worked out this way, because when Cash is older, Ty will still be able to keep up with him. Don't worry though, we're not in any hurry to have another one anytime soon. We're in the process of getting on our feet, finishing school, and enjoying sweet baby Cash for as long possible. I'm not sure if anyone will read this, or if anyone cares at all about our life or what goes on in it, but if you do, I'd love some feedback. Now that I've caught everyone up on our lives, I feel like I'm gonna need inspiration later on what to write. 

forever and ever, babe.

I couldn't decide if I actually wanted to keep up with this or not, so I just decided not to until I finally made up my mind. Well, obviously I decided to continue blogging, not really for the benefit of anyone else...just for myself. I could careless whether people read this or not, I could also careless about people's opinions of what I type, this is simply for me. In this crazy, mixed up world, it's hard finding the time to sit down and talk to someone and let them know how you feel and make them understand what's going on in life. This is my way of doing that, of getting my feelings out when I don't have the time to sit down and talk to someone. A lot's been going on since the last time I really sat down and blogged....I've graduated high school, made life changing decisions, and spent over a year with the love of my life. My future may be tweaked a little now, and things may be getting done a little out of order....but in case everyone forgot, it's my future. I don't need anyone's negative opinions or thoughts on the decisions I've made for myself in life. Regardless of what order things are getting done in...they're getting done, and that's what matters at this point. 
As far as my future goes, I'll be attending Midlands for nursing, spending time with my new family and enjoying playing the cards I've been dealt in life. I'm looking forward to the future and spending the rest of my life with two sweet boys, <3. My two best friends will continue to stay in the picture, however; they'll both have to do it from college..USCL and USC, and im equally proud and excited for both of them to do their thing! I honestly couldn't have made it to where I am today without the two of them staying by my side, picking me up and brushing my shoulders off when I fell down, making me smile when I cried, and also being there through the good times...whether it be birthday celebrations or just celebrating to celebrate, they've been by my side every step of the way and will continue to be there for the upcoming years. I couldn't have gotten any luckier in the friend department when it comes to those two. Neither of them will understand how unbelievably grateful I am for everything they've done. I may not be in the ideal situation, but honestly...I couldn't have asked for a better support system. Whether it be my family, the wonderful starling family, my sweet loving boyfriend, or my two amazing best friends, I have the most incredible support system any girl could ask for.now if i could just manage to get back on the softball field soon..... 

im back...

and have a lot to say. I don't know exactly how long i'll continue this or even how often I'll type, but i like having it to vent. A lot's been going on in this small, small town. First off, i'd like to know why people feel like everything that goes on in a person's life...is their business. If i wanted you to know, and if i wanted to talk to you about it I would...you acting like a jerk, doesn't make me want to talk to you. With that said, I don't expect anything to stay secret very long in such a small town, but are people ever going to learn when they've crossed the line? Especially parents of other people. I don't think my life or what I do in my life should be of any of your concern. My life doesn't affect yours at all, so maybe you should just grow up, act like the 40 year old man and woman you are and mind your own business. 
I'm done complaining, now I just want to let everyone know that I don't regret any decision I've made in my life. Whether it be choices I made years ago, or choices I'm making right now. I don't regret anything I've done or chosen to do and nothing anyone says or does will make me change my mind. 


"everything in this world happens when God chooses it to."